[mein gott]

lol.. ermmm yeah lol... (that was canned lol)

anyways heres some joke.. i make no apologies

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps
So the doctor examines her and does some tests and says "you're going to have to looking forward to the idea of long sleepless nights full of crying and changing napies"
"Why? Am I Pregnant?"
"no" the doctor replies, you've got bowel cancer


A vicar is on a train and this pregnant woman gets on and sits down opposite him.
As they travel the vicar is reading his newspaper and the woman takes out her knitting.
As she is knitting, about every 20 minutes she reaches into her bag and pulls out a bottle of pills from which she takes one and swallows it.
This goes on for about an hour when the vicar sees the label "Thalidomide" on the bottle.
"Excuse me", says the vicar to the woman, "Do you know the effect that could have on your unborn child?"
"Yes" says the woman "I never could knit sleeves."


paedophile and a kid are walking into the woods at night.
the kid turns to the paedophile and says "it's dark! I'm scared!".
the paedophile says "YOU'RE scared? I've got to walk back out on my own!"