what do you do for a living?

[mein gott]

I hate my job, i might join the navy again...........

[Jonny Automatic]

become a man of the cloth...

(mein priest)

[mein gott]

lol

[Steve Zissou]

I've had three jobs in 9 months.

1.) Worked at Slack's Hoagie Shack making minimum wage. I grilled j00r 54ndw1ch3z and (mainly) cheese steaks. Ugh. You haven't an idea of what hell is until you've had 20 food tickets lined up on a Sunday when the Eagles are playing. Each one with ridiculous exceptions, or additions. Mayonaisse on a cheese steak, with pickles? Wtf?

2.) I bussed tables at a restaurant called Mozzarella Grill. That place wasn't so bad. I got shat upon because I was the busboy... but what can you do. My dad got me a job at another restaurant in which his friend worked. Waiting tables! Quite the promotion!

3.) Two weeks in, my dad's friend sells the place.

...

And some facist Albanian guy takes over. Changes everything around and starts weeding out all the old waiters/waitresses. He set them up for failure, not telling them the changes and making them falter in their job. It was evil I say. Nevertheless, I lasted there for another month to come. I was pulling in about $100 cash every weekend night. Paid for my Spain trip. I wasn't the best waiter, so I was to be weeded out. He tried to get me to quit, so that he wouldn't have to fire me. He did in the end.

I should have pulled blackmail, saying I could get him in trouble for hiring a 17 year old in a restaurant that serves alkeehul (need to be 18 to serve it in NJ).

I shook his hand and walked out. Morals ftl. Although I plan to go back and slash his tires one day...

[Jonny Automatic]

and I'm just a "job seeker" now :p

[diamond-optic]

ive never managed to get fired lol...

my first job years ago was at a drugstore.. and i used to have a free for all there.. free cartons of cigarrettes for me and my friends lol.. and one night a week the on duty manager was a girl i was friends with and went to my high school (she was probably like 2 years ahead of me maybe) and i would fill up a shopping cart with beer and just wheel it out to my car and load up my trunk lol.. i dont recall ever paying for anything there lol, anything i wanted i just decided it 'never came in on the delivery truck' ...but eventually i got a bit outta control lol.. as any time people would pay exact change for something and didnt want a receipt, i would void out the sale and pocket the money lol some days i would walk away with like 50+ $ cash.. which my bosses were a bit suspicious.. but i would always check if the security cameras were recording or not and usually they werent so i didnt feel much risk then lol.. eventually i ended up quiting because they wouldnt give me time off for a week-long party my friend was having lol

then my next job was at a country club.. and i used to do whatever the hell i wanted there.. but that place really sucked ass... there was days i took too much acid and decided not to go into work for 2 or 3 days without even calling.. and they would like beg me to come back lol, probably cause i was one of the few fuckups there that actually did any work and did it right.. its funny i even got raises because acid made me not want to work there anymore lol.. but when it got to the point where i was either taking a little bit of mushrooms all the time while there or smoking weed every other hour just to get thru the days that i knew i needed something different

and now i work at a restuarant for these 2 women ive known for like 4 or 5 years, and i doubt they would ever fire me unless i really did something crazy... i mean i go in whenever i feel like it everyday.. shit its 11:15 right now and im 'supposed' to work at 10.. theres even been days where the waitstaff there has pissed me off so much that i just said fuckit and walked out.. of course i got non stop phone calls for days pleading for me to come back lol.. and lately ive been in such a shit mood everyday that i barely get anything done.. like yesterday i spent like 3 or 4 hours doing something that should have taken like an hour and it didnt really matter lol..

eventually i hope to move up in the world and find a job where i dont have to show up at all and still get payed..

[mein gott]

thats my job, 2 days a week I work from home, I log on to the company VPN/LAN,Check my guys schedules, see if there are any issues and thats it as long as im logged in with time recorded on the network, I'll get paid, I put My blackberry on loud and nap most days...

if they want me, they call me...

The days in the office.. I sit and drinnk coffee and fuck around on the net and shuffle papers around my desk and talk loudly on the phone and open and close excel windows...........

I Admit.. I get paid way to much for this shit - however is something happens to the private networks... I have to jump on them..

[diamond-optic]

lol

Quote: Originally Posted by george costanza

10 commandments for “working hard”:

1. Never walk without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like “work” to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught — your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they’re not there - it looks like you’re hardworking and conscientious even though you’re being a devious weasel.

5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed. According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6. Leave the office late. Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.

7. Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

8. Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

9. Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

10. MOST IMPORTANT: DON’T forward this to your boss by mistake!!! Words to live by!

[Steve Zissou]

Diamond, that's all just outrageous. Where do you live where you can get away with all that nonsense and utter bedlam?